Suddenly I felt I was not alone. I was standing outside on a dark, cold morning in November. It was like a ghost had been very near, staring at me but I could not see it. The ghost was not evil, but silent and lonely. It was an uncomfortable company who I had avoided so far. That allusive experience started my fictional self-portrait studies. From the beginning, I knew that the ghost was not near - it was inside of me.
For many years, I had pondered reasons for my feeling of constant misplacement. Occasionally, I felt that I was a stranger, even within my own family and hometown. Alongside self-portrait studies I wanted to portray the feeling when a home feels like a scene. It was a time to confront that ghost. It meant facing the most fragile part of myself.
Helene Schjerfbeck painted herself affected by a fatal disease. Her self-portraits shattered during the years and when she was over eighty years old, there were more ghosts than women on the canvas. She was just a shadow of herself. Opposite of this, my image is on a process to become an entity. I am a combination of different contradictions, looking for a balance in the unstable, comfort in being astray. The narratives of each image compiles a totality of being a strong but vulnerable woman in a time and place, where personal questions about race or religion have lost their relevance. The identity is a synthesis of externals and traits, but also shifting from cold facts to false beliefs, from bright reflections to the deepest shadows.